So you know that moment in Legally Blonde when Elle Woods realizes she needs no man, and she starts working her ass off to kill it in her firm and get her law degree? Well, that’s the moment I’m at in my life.
—Although, I’ve always gone to college and gotten an education for ME and not just to impress some sleazy, good-for-nothing guy.
However, you get the point…right? Right.
Okay, but also, you know how, out of the blue, she ended up falling in love with the cute, quirky, sweet dude that always had her back? She never saw it coming! That’s also where I’m at currently–if something happens, sweet… if not, (you’re missing out), but also, sweet.
With that being said, there were a good couple of months where I was actively searching, and I think I learned quite a bit just within those couple of months…about me… about guys… and about the (non-shallow) things that I hope to find in the next guy that I’m actually in a relationship with. Brace yourselves.
First and foremost, me: I am worth more than 2 am text messages. I’m worth your support. If you don’t respect me, why are you even talking to me? Why are you even talking to women in general? I’m worth consistency. I’m worth learning about. I’m worth your time (I get it. You work. Okay, boo. I DO TOO. About 70% of my day is spent thinking about the 20 kids who are in MY care. You are not the only one, honey.) However, I am worth thinking about when you get off of work and you run to the store to grab a gallon of milk. You see those flowers in the aisle shelf? I’m worth you buying them for me–just because.
Wanna know why? Because I’ll take those flowers, cut the stems at a 45-degree angle, place them in a vase with tap water (because tap water is usually the perfect temperature for fresh-cut flowers), follow the directions on the flower food instructions–pouring the exact amount…no short-cuts. Then I will spend about 15 minutes placing the vase of flowers in different spots around the house so that I can find the spot where the sunlight hits them JUST perfectly. Why? It’s not because I’m a perfectionist by any means. It’s because YOU got them for me. Because YOU were kind enough to go out of your way to think of me while you were out grabbing a gallon of milk. Therefore, I will invest my time in taking care of them, in keeping them alive.
Okay, now guys: *DISCLAIMER: I KNOW THIS ISN’T ALL GUYS, AND IF YOU’RE OFFENDED BY ANY OF THESE THINGS…WHY DON’T YOU GO AHEAD AND PROVE ME WRONG…ayoooo, gotta shoot your shot, am I right?*
First, guys like to talk about the money they make, or rather, a lack of? I get it. It’s a pride and ego thing. However, in the words of the ever-so-wise Tim McGraw and Faith Hill; “She don’t give a damn about your Benjamin Franklins, she wants Aretha.”
Elaboration: money is awesome. It’s a way that we can enjoy the ‘finer’ things in life. However, let me be clear. The REAL finer things in life involve:
Stolen glances from across a crowded room.
Sitting on a park bench feeding the pigeons until you two are under attack and you are forced to run away, hand in hand, screaming because birds can get pretty hostile.
Dancing around the kitchen to R. Kelly’s “Ignition”.
Slow dancing in a silent room while the person you love is serenading you with “You Are So Beautiful” by Joe Crocker.
Kissing in the pouring rain.
I know. Money can become a problem. It causes arguments when you can’t pay the bills–it is STRESSFUL. But you realize that the only good thing that comes out of stressing about the bills is the way that you two DE-stress yourselves, which again, is among the finer things in life. If you catch my drift.
Also, guys who care about the gym REALLY care about the gym. Do not roll your eyes. I ADMIRE YOU FOR WORKING OUT AND BEING FIT AND HEALTHY. But dear Lord, please desist from introducing yourself like: “Hi, I’m Chad, I just benched 1973846 yesterday, and you can practically eat your meals off my washboard abs.” If you think that I’m going to spend the rest of my life re-feeding your ego and listening to how many dead-lifts you can accomplish in the gym–you are sadly mistaken, my friend. But guess what, boo?! There IS someone out there for you that is JUST as obsessed with the gym as you are, but it is NOT me.
However, do not mistake this for me not caring for people who are passionate. PASSION IS MY BIGGEST TURN-ON. I’M a passionate person–I’m very passionate about my career, and I put 110% into being the very best teacher I can be. But I did not have to introduce myself like: “Hi, I’m Alex, I just wrote 5 math lesson plans yesterday for the whole week and I found a super engaging activity that ALL of my students will just absolutely LOVE.” It’s more like, “Hi, I’m Alex, I’m a teacher. What do you do for a living? …Wow …What exactly do you do in a field like that? …That’s awesome! …What is your favorite part about it?!”
There is a time and a place. You squeeze those accomplishments in throughout the day in relevant conversations. I WANT to hear about your day and your accomplishments, but I expect the same attention in return. Tracking? Good.
Third, either men forget A LOT, or they really really really DO NOT LISTEN, OR RATHER, READ. If we’re texting and you ask me something silly like, “What are you doing?” (Which you should only be asking me if you’re wanting to make plans with me to do something.) But anyway, if I tell you what I’m doing and then you ask me the same question 10 minutes later….dude. What..? I literally JUST TOLD YOU I WAS WATCHING FRIENDS AND STUFFING MY FACE WITH ICE CREAM. 10 minutes later and I am STILL WATCHING ROSS AND RACHEL ARGUE OVER IF THEY WERE ON A BREAK OR NOT AND LICKING CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM OFF MY SPOON.
Also, if I told you something about a huge event in my life, and on the day of that huge event, you call me or text me asking me AGAIN about what I am doing… BYE, I NO LONGER WANT YOU IN MY LIFE. If you can’t remember something that is important to me, then I really just don’t need you taking up my time. Especially because if you tell me about something that’s important to you, I’ll remember the date that the event takes place, and I’ll even call you wishing you good luck, congratulations, or listen to you talk about how it went.
There is absolutely nothing better than when a guy remembers a story that I told him (most likely about my students), and he follows up on that story later on down the week. Be still, my heart. It’s the little things.
There are obviously a lot more things that guys do that I just don’t understand, and really, it’s okay. Those same guys that I don’t understand–some other girl (or guy, ya never know) will. And that is the beauty of it. I always tell myself with every heartbreak or minor bump in the road that EVERYBODY IS MADE FOR SOMEBODY. I am definitely not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s okay! Because I wasn’t made to be with that person!
Point being, trust your gut, and don’t get caught up on someone who you know won’t follow up on one of your stories a week later, or who won’t ask you about what you’re passionate about, or who doesn’t give you the time that you deserve, or who doesn’t sing “We Belong Together” by Ritchie Valens to you.
Anywho, what does this 20-something-year-old know about dating?